Don't worry, this isn't like the Twilight ending Part 1.
I do not die (spoiler!) giving birth to stupidest named baby ever (spoiler!!) and become a vampire.
(Bummer, it would have been helpful tonight).
I cannot even make a chart (well, I am not good at that anyway) or outline (hate those) or draft (no) or whatnot of my evening, it is going to be piecemeal, and I am going to laugh a lot and probably wake people up.
I shall now discuss the first ten minutes of my Girls Night, which began when Wasted Steve the turpentine-drinking non-handyman was shooed off by The Person In This House Whose Name Is Not Allison But Who DID Hire Wasted Steve.
So, I do not get credit at all for a solo score, or whatever people give scores about for other than ice skating.
Not Me hires the guy,
totally does not have to manage the nightmare of this guy and his non-handiness and his requests for money for no reason,
and when I finally retreat under the guest room bed with my Entertainment Weekly and text Not Me that I give up, this is the situation as glass breaks,accidentally, WS dropped OUR hammer since he owns no tools, Not Me tells him to shoo,
and two seconds later WS is gone and all is well.
I want credit for dealing with Wasted Steve and his increasingly bizarre attempts to extract money from me for ludicrous reasons otherwise known as for him to go buy Mad Dog.
So I was a bit flustered heading out for Girls Night to male stripper movie that I swear I am not into even if nobody believes me, although I can't be alone in this, right?
So I forget the computer printy thing showing I bought our tickets, although it was kind of jagged and may have not been the entire printout, but I have been printing swimming heat sheets that are 100 pages long and my printer is over it.
Race home, grab that.
Remember afterwards that I forgot my tea-smuggling bag, because movie is held at Allison Approved Movie Theater Where Ushers Are Mellow And Do Not Care Because They Don't Own It Anyway.
I know those guys, from the times I may or may not have seen Twilight by myself and they were welcoming (may or may not have charged me every time, and totally knew I had three teas in my bag but we're cool, no worries, I'm not going to tell anyone you see this movie alone and are a freak) so I was not worried.
But, apparently swerving around annoying FedEx van to go get tea smuggling bag alerts police man, and believe you me, if "I like this song" is not a reasonable thing to say,
try "Well, I am going home to get the purse I take teas in, oh, never mind, am meeting friends to see a movie and I am late because there was a hobo on my roof, long story, but anyway, I promise not to laugh if there are any pretend policemen in the stripper movie."
Not a winner.
However, I did wrangle free (sans tea smuggle bag, sigh) to meet fun friends, and that was the beginning of my Girls Night. Like, the very beginning.
Who knew the police would be the FIRST thing?
That is not normally how it goes, right?