Saturday, June 30, 2012

Afterschool Special Girls Night Part 2, Electric Boogaloo, by Allison

So after my escape from awkward chat with policeman (I didn't get a ticket, or a psych evaluation referral, so that was good) I abandon tea-smuggling bag retrieval as not to be any later to meet fun friends at the wine bar pre-movie.

This part is actually lovely and nobody asked me for money (well, I mean, they charged for the wine but that was fair, it wasn't a shake-down and nothing of mine got broken and I am pretty sure the entirety of the wine bar had less alcohol content than the fumes coming off Wasted Steve).

Soon we are on our way to Allison Approved Movie Theater, but not before fellow patrons of wine bar make sure we have our tickets, because they had heard it was getting crazy over there and sold out and people were getting worked up.

 It was nice of them to check in with total strangers on that, but then I thought, did we even say what we were doing?

 Is it obvious?

We are not wearing Team Magic Mike homemade creepy t-shirts or anything, but I guess it was assumed we were on Girls Night to the stripper movie.

I guess any group of women out last night were obviously doing that? It must have been the law or something.

 My friends look at me as I dig around in my purse, all "you have the tickets, right? (underlying message: Man, why did we put Allison in charge of tickets?)"

 And I say," Here! I have this ripped off thing from my computer, it is part of the receipt for the tickets, we just have to trade it in."

 And they look at me like I am showing Confederate money or something, but they are both laid-back and cool and were like, ok.

 And as we are leaving,

 Here is the part where I interrupt my very lucid and direct narrative to offer an example of How To Take A Compliment.

Because it is rare that you see a woman accept a compliment without stating emphatically why she is actually undeserving of said compliment and in fact, is the worst ever ever, no, you have the cute shoes or whatever.

(Note: I know this is a phenomenon with guys too, but I promise, girls are worse about this.
 Probably because of social conditioning to appear humble and not over-confident, which turns into "if someone says something nice to you, you have to then totally tell them they are wrong and list all the things that are bad about the thing they just complimented")

 And that makes me both insanely mad at the world and us for doing it, and also super sad because:

1. It makes it very hard to give someone a compliment without worrying the person you have just complimented going all "What? You like my shoes? Oh, no, they are terrible, they are like 3 years old and look, there are scratches and they cost five dollars and your shoes are much cuter, mine are the worst, I should throw them away, I am sorry for making the world look at them." and

2. It makes it challenging to know how to respond when someone compliments you, because sometimes it seems as if complimentor expects complimentee to do the "oh, this little thing? It's just my master's thesis. Not a big deal, I am sure it will get rejected, dogs could have written it, it's nothing" thing,
because that is what we've come to.

So it almost seems rude or vain respond to a compliment with "oh, thanks! This is my favorite purse, I love red" or similar.

So I am always really happy when I give a compliment and the person does not set themselves on fire, because that is somehow the polite and socially correct thing to do?

 LONG explanation, but we are walking out, I say to my friend Mary, "You look great in that, I love a white shirt and jeans, it seems simple but it is hard to get executed just right, you look fantastic."

Because it is true, it is, and she did.

And Mary says, "Thanks!"

Universe stands still as Mary does NOT insult herself, call herself hideous troll that should not be let out of the house, or something along those lines. 

(Note: Mary is annoyingly gorgeous and not hideous troll and also would not call herself that, I am giving an example of how the rest of us are socially conditioned to tear ourselves apart, I do not want my compliment to somehow turn into me calling my friend terrible things because I cannot structure a sentence properly or hold a lucid train of thought for more than two seconds)

 I am wishing this simple, genuine response to a compliment could be somehow communicated to every female alive, This is How to Take a Compliment.

I think I am going to write a pamphlet, but that is way off topic now, I am veering back.

At theater, packs of ladies are piling out of cars with the heady anticipation of women who think that somehow the movie is going to hand out the stripper guys at the end for them to take home.

 (Spoiler! That does not happen).

I will say for the record, I have seen excited movie lines before.

I am not new to this rodeo.

Have done the midnight Twilight shows, (and Harry Potter and Hunger Games, but those fans were more fans of book excited for movie than obsessed delusional crazies transferring their unrealistic notions of love and romance onto imaginary characters and/or movie stars, and I am completely including myself in the latter category, just to be clear, I am Tall Glass House That Throws No Stones, Am Pot, I See No Black Kettles).

 I thought I knew what riled up ladies hotly anticipating a movie act like.

I would have bet cash money on it.

I have seen some wild and not-functional behavior at the midnight Twilight shows.

But let me tell you, I am totally wrong.

All that was junior varsity stuff.

These ladies are hardcore.

They will cut you.

This ends Part 2 of the Afterschool Special Girls Night, because I now have to take the girls to swimming and go to the gym, to be continued.

(This is called me leaving you on a "Who Shot J.R." level cliffhanger, I know. But I have to contemplate how to best describe the next part of the evening, I will leave you with two words : Chicken Fight.)