Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Sometimes a Sword of the Giant is Not a Sword of the Giant, but I say it is always Sword of the Giant, a Decree: by Allison

I don't know what day it is, which means I have arrived at that lovely point in a vacation where you don't know what day it is.

 It's like, at the beginning of vacations you are setting up and figuring out who does what when has to happen (especially when most funnest friends and their kids and me and mine are all in one house) and then it takes a bit of time to get your brain to chill
 (Note: I highly recommend my friend RTB's absurdly good concoctions to speed up this process) and then you are all, ahhh, totally relaxed.
 Don't know what day it is, what's going on in the world, no worries but who is going to go get more limes for the delicious beverages that need to be made.

 For me, this day is quickly followed by despair over the countdown to the pack up/clean up/organize stuff/do the what stays and what goes thing, so I am enjoying this relaxed fabulousity while it lasts.

And speaking of those delightful beverages  mentioned above, it appears that the recipe I posted about
the most excellentest watermelon/peach combo delightful beverage is NOT named Sword of the Giant.

I was in this room writing and calling out questions to the others who were in the fun room funning. So when I called out to RTB for drink name and how to make it, I heard him wrong and thought he said Sword of the Giant, but that TOTALLY was not at all what he said.

In any way.

His actual name for that drink is not suitable for print, and he had no idea I didn't hear him right, so all the comments everyone was making following him shouting out the name that I thought were involving Sword of The Giant were totally NOT about Swords or Giants. 
It is kind of hysterical because nobody knew what I was talking about when I was discussing giants. It's like a Three's Company episode, but without the Ropers.

So I move along in our fun super excellent vacation, and when the kids are all asleep, I request we do variations with other fruits last night like the Sword of the Giants drink, and RTB is like, "What are you talking about? What is Sword of the Giant?"

And I am all," The drink you made last night, remember? You are the one who made it, It was so awesome I wrote it down, let's do that but different"

And RTB starts howling laughing at me and says that the drink's name is NOT Sword of the Giant, it is named  (redacted due to me redacting it)

Soon everyone is laughing at me for roaming around talking about Swords and Giants, because they had no idea what I was talking about either, as when I was writing in here, they were funning in fun room and heard right. 

So now I am all, "Shut up, you people, do not sully the lovely drink and also, I have decided that you are all wrong and it IS named Sword of the Giant. I wrote it down and everything, I say it is Sword of the Giant."

Instantly this becomes one of the awesome beach week things we know are absurd and worthy of remembering and using it random references or charades or whatall, it is part of our vernacular now, and though I am still mad at all the teasing, it is hilarious to work Sword of the Giant into conversation.

But RTB is still mixologist, and up to no good, so he went to get to get all sorts of glorious fresh fruit for more delightful beverages that he does NOT get to name at ALL.

We get all the kids to bed (Seriously, no need to call child protective services, the entire day we do giant kids breakfast, beach for like 5 hours, and also other fun things, in this story they are all asleep and now I know I am posting two drink stories in a row but no need to worry, is only because I am not kidding RTB is magic wizard mixologist and since I wrote about Sword of the Giant I wanted to also write about it NOT being Sword of the Giant at all, because that is absurd and hilarious, don't worry, we are all nerds and commence our board game nerd fun. 

First delightful beverage has pineapples and peaches and is fab and I am not sure what to name it but it is so NOT named by RTB, or anyone else in this house since they are equally as fun and wicked as RTB, and Sword of the Giant is so ludicrously great a name to mess with, it is a softball thing to turn into something else, almost no challenge for them to take that one and run with it so whatever they come up with will be extra weird, gross, yuk, full of irony, or messing with Allison
(Note: RTB just came by and I told him what I was writing about and he said that yes, it is a softball, such an easy one that it it is almost an insult and of the things I just listed above, they would have gone with Mess With Allison)   

So fun game night, yay!

But wait !!

They decided we are to start with is some game that I have never heard of, and the reason I have not heard of it is because it is a STUPID game although they say it is not stupid.

 (Spoiler! I am right, it is stupid).

I can't remember (my brain was not interested enough to take note) its name, but the deal is, there are two tiny plastic pigs, you roll them like dice and however they land you get points or bad stuff happens to your points and some are big deal landings and they get lots of points.

There is a billion feet long reference guide to what it means when the pigs land which way, and that is very very boring because I do not think this game will produce the fun that is tradition at the most funnest beach week ever because nobody even talks in this dumb game, you roll pigs, all my friends except Matt and me somehow know what these different pig landing positions are named and which ones are good and so it is all, "Oooh, double razorback! "
And that roller gets lots of points.
And they roll again and the pig landing means something else with a nonsense name, and if you land some way, you PIG OUT ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS GAME and lose your points,. I immediately and repetitively protest that this game is no fun, nobody deduces something really obsure in a trivia game or has to act out something impossible in celebrity which is what is supposed to be happening .

(Note: I am not trying to insult fans of pig game and I can totally see its handiness when trying to keep children entertained waiting for a plane or at home when you get tired of them looking like zombie children in front of TV, or to play for fun if you were also going to play a card game or poker or other game of that genre, and I will probably get it myself for our game nights with the kids, my issue was it was not the type of game that would generate one of the things I love about other non-pig or dice games:  That I get to be dazzled by insane smartness of my friends, laugh at ridiculous long term inside joke stuff being incorporated in perfectly absurd way, or acting out in the celebrity game)

So we are rolling pigs, and I am offering up a wide variety of reasons why this game is awful and nobody gets to talk to each other and it is not fun, and I realize I was being a brat but I SO love the evenings at this beach trip every year and the evenings are always super fun and these pigs are not facilitating that at all.

My friend B looks at me and says, "You know you sound like E (my daughter E, known arguer) with this behavior." And I am all, "Yes I realize that. There are certain things E does that I also do, and that is why E and I get into "did not"   "yes you did""  "did not"  "did too" debates."
Pig game is still happening and as cosmic proof we need to do something else, I roll the pigs into some sort of situation where they are doomed and yay we can play something else.

Fun night final act was Celebrity, where you have to pull from a basket a card (and we all write the cards so it is extra awesome) and act out or use words to describe this person and your partner has to guess who it is.

This was later on in the evening, and during all this RTB was making all sorts of unbelievably delicious blended beverages with various fruits and no icky mix.
 Each was different and I swear, they are those lethal secret drinks that taste like a smoothie but guess what,  TOTALLY not a smoothie.
He did not get to name them, nobody was allowed to name them, even though I was in the same fun room this time funning and not writing, so smaller chance of me misunderstanding. I mean, these people tried to name them, I ignored it.
Because I am keeper of knowledge and memory, I choose NOT to remember that part. And that's how it goes in the official record.

And also Sword of the Giant is now classified as a celebrity according to this house.
And I was giggling away as I wrote my contributions, my list vastly entertained me, such as Sloth on the Road (the girls and I showed the others the horror and there is actually video of one creeping along and I cannot even put into terms how horrifying that thing was) and Mick Jagger circa 1975, because there is a difference in eras, and it took me sometimes a paragraph to fully describe my person (shock!) but because I was entertaining myself, I totally did not hear the rules about one round you can use whatever amount of words, second round three words, last round no words.

I did not hear these rules.


 So I was baffled when I'd say something and they'd all be "No, THREE words" or "No talking!"

I had no idea what the deal was and why things kept changing and instead of asking, I just went along, and it turned into super fun hysterical night, as all of them pretty much do. 

Plus, RTB's creations were so good that I am putting the recipe (is that right for drinks?) for them below.
So I am storing away memories of the cute or funny stuff the kids did along with my version of whatever it is that goes into the communal memory bank officially.


Fill blender halfway full with fresh fruit, such as pineapple, berries, peaches, banana
Add 1 cup white rum
Add 1/2 cup triple sec
Add 1/3 can frozen limeade (note from Allison: I think this is secret magic ingredient)
Top with ice and blend.
Write Allison a thank you note for sharing this

(Addendum: I was too busy being completely relaxed to finish writing this so now I know what day it was, which is not the day I wrote this, boo)