Monday, July 2, 2012

Almost Girl Fight in PetSmart, a Tribute to MCA, by Allison

So at the gym this morning, after yuk boot camp class, a friend was laughing at me over getting into a Chicken Fight at the movies this weekend.

And she was all "Didn't you get into a fight with some girl over dog food recently, too?"

And I am all "NO!! That was an almost-fight, and it was about Adam Yauch from the Beastie Boys dying and the girl was being rude and a very bad retail employee. But it got resolved."

So for clarification, I do not run all over town getting into altercations with people.
 Am peaceful type.

Have never hit or kicked anything or anyone (on purpose)  except when made to do so by gym trainer. 

Most public arguments I have been in have been during debate competitions or moot court, and that does not count.

But apparently (and this is probably due to my ninja training) if someone insults or upsets one of my girls, or friends, or recently deceased musical geniuses, I get feisty.

I do not fight people over dog food, really, unless you count the following (numerous) lively exchanges:

Me: "Matt you need to get dog food"
Matt: "I am at work, you'll need to get it"
Me:  "It is your fault we have this second dog so you should get it"
Matt: "You need to get over that whole thing and just get dog food when you are out"
Me:  "I am not getting over it, she is a bad dog and you know it"
Matt: "What does this have to do with the dog food?"

That is the extent of dog food fighting in my world, but I did recently have a situation in a dog food store, but it was not about dog food.

Not same thing.

I was really very super sad to hear that Adam Yauch, MCA of the Beastie Boys, had lost his battle with cancer. I was surprised how really upset I was over this awful news, but really, when I thought about it, I cannot put into quantifiable terms how much joy and delight and fun and whee and yay I have gotten out of their music over the years, they are badass.

And MCA dying was just tearing me up, and I have to go do the errands and violin/tea/whatever run, all snuffly.
So am in car and beloved alt nation station does not let me down, they were airing poignant and awesome stories about Adam Yauch as well as most excellent music.

 So I am weepy mess, still dancing as it is actually impossible for me not to when Beastie Boys are on.

 Am so puffy eyed and smeary that I look like Courtney Love after a bender, so I wear my big sunglasses in to get dog food.

 Checking out, Bad Clerk asks me why I have sunglasses on.


Is Rude.

I could be former Spice Girl or CIA agent.

I tell her I have them on because I am sad MCA from Beastie Boys died. She looks at me like I am crazy (which may be true, but not in this case) and LAUGHS at me.

I am about to go all Braveheart on her, when store dude intercedes, tells her she is awful, and offers to help with my dog food.

I say no, you stay and teach her how very subpar her retail skills are, not to mention her extreme musical ignorance.
And he quotes some Beastie Boys to me, I do the same, we are now best friends.

Glad I did not get into actual tussle, as am guessing policeman would not like "but she insulted MCA and he just died and that means she goes to the seventh ring of Hell" any more than he liked "I like this song" as my reason for speeding.

See, that is not a fight about dog food at all!

Totally different.

And now, I don't even try to make Matt get the dog food (much) because I go in there with the biggest dark sunglasses I own on, every time, daring her to say something. 

 I think if she ever does, my new tactic will be to tell her I have a great guy she should meet and introduce her to Wasted Steve.

Crying dog food purchasers will seem like nirvana comparatively.