Sunday, July 15, 2012

Fighting About Ronald Reagan, or How To Keep Your Relationship Spicy Without The Words "Fifty" or "Shades," by Allison

So in case you are bored with whatall in Fifty Shades of Gray and the advice in Cosmo magazine (Note: I have not read Cosmo in a few years since the girls were old enough to have eyeballs and see the really not-suitable-for-minors photos and/or articles)
(And Subnote: I read the Fifty Shades series for research, people.
My Tricky Kindle recommended it to me before all the media hoopla about it, I took Tricky Kindle's advice, got book, no idea, so I was all, This is a total Twilight ripoff, how can this author not get sued?, to Well, Ooookay then . . ., what is my Kindle trying to tell me? 
When the books got all that press attention and the author now makes like one majillion dollars a day, I decided to cut my Kindle a break and think that Kindle recommended that book to me so I would stay ahead of the curve pop-culturally.)

But even though I am not charging anyone a majillion dollars or even anything (though gifts are always welcome), I am very kindly sharing with you my personal advice for keeping your relationship spicy.
Things not super fun?
Take advice from your friend Allison: Fight About Ronald Reagan.

I am not kidding.
(Note: am not getting into politics here or ever on this blog, I have argued or have witnessed arguments over politics and/or religion enough to know that nothing you or person with whom you are arguing can say will change anybody's mind to a significant degree so let's talk about something that is NOT a total buzz kill and room-clearer-outer).

So I am stepping outside of my self-designated box of No Talky About Politics here, but it really isn't about politics, at all. 
It is about good, old-fashioned, fun fight. (Note: I am not advocating actual fighting or anything, let's call it lively debate?  Verbal jousting?  There is really nothing I can say here that does not sound wrong in some sort of way  .  . .)

Matt and I have this really repetitive fight about Ronald Reagan, and even after (number of years redacted due to author's vanity) years of our relationship, somehow we still get all worked up over whatever Reagan issue is at hand and have giant fight about it, which leads to us not fighting anymore and I may or may not get jewelry but all's well that ends well. 

Cosmo, are you listening? 

Book buyers, doesn't that sound like something you would pay a majillion dollars to fantasize about? Of course it does!!

So Fight About Ronald Reagan.

Why, you may ask, are you even talking about Ronald Reagan?

Good question.

There is no actual reason to get into heated debate over Ronald Reagan, but yet we do and always have done so.

(Sidenote: this may trace back to a hugely embarrassing situation I got myself into in high school at a government nerd camp where I got into Fight About Ronald Reagan with famous AP reporter who was MEAN to me in front of thousands (at least 500, seriously) of people even though I was RIGHT and I was not being obnoxious, really, I know I can be, but at that time I was not, and she was awful and I will have to write more about that another time because if I get started, I will cause Internet blog word limits to be instituted and do not want to do that to others.)

 Background: I have always been interested in politics, was Government major in college, for a long time planned to be journalist covering politics, and also had an arena, let's say a Roman Coliseum of sorts, where my dad and I would bicker about politics over dinner, like, all the time.
He is like me in that the debate is kind of fun in itself, keeps you on your toes, sharpens your viewpoints, and nobody loses an eye.

So when Matt and I started dating, I had a pretty solid arsenal of Fights About Ronald Reagan.  Just sitting there in my head, no need to bring it out, although in Matt's case, I did kind of need to know his thoughts on various topics of importance to me before I continued in our lovely, awesome courtship.

Because some things are deal-breakers, just saying. (Note: not saying WHAT things are dealbreakers, other than previously stated hair maintenance and ability to give great gifts, and he gets gold star for those.)
And thus began our Fights About Ronald Reagan.

What is funny is that our FARR are never actually about any of his policies or decisions made during Presidency or anything of substance, Matt and I are pretty much in agreement on that stuff (whew, because it would suck if I had to break up with floppy haired good gift giver over political beliefs, glad I did not have to cross that bridge) so our Fights About Ronald Reagan are about the most random, irrelevant, ridiculous things that if we stopped for two seconds, we'd realize we were both saying the same thing in different ways, or arguing about two entirely different subjects, but no, we mush on with our Fight About Ronald Reagan.

 Once we sat in front of the gym and Fought About Ronald Reagan for so long we had to eventually turn around and go home after the gym closed, we'd been FARR the whole time.

And these fights are really silly, like, over his sweater choices during important speeches (do not get me started) and why that does or does not matter (it is evident that I am on the It Does Matter side on that one, not so much that the sweater itself was wrong but that the sweater over a proper jacket was subterfuge, or not, I am not getitng into fight about politics) and whether projecting serene confidence in things is a talent or a BIG GIANT LIE BY A LIAR, stuff like that.

We agree on all the big issues, small ones even, it is a tiny little issue of semantics and we are off, Fighting About Ronald Reagan.

For no reason.

We could be off volunteering somewhere, or helping someone, or doing anything other than Fighting About Ronald Reagan, but we cannot help ourselves.

Plus, I did say FARR keeps you on your toes, not literally, I mean, ok, don't know how to wrap that one up, but it can get into a Nick and Nora (and if you don't know what I am talking about with that reference, go figure it out immediately, you will thank me) kind of a thing, which is fun.

Our last Fight About Ronald Reagan was a doozy - like hours and hours long (that is because I had to do research and Write A Document) over the AIDS crisis, in which I was saying one thing (about whether Reagan was or was not prompt in addressing the disease) and he was saying another (about the FDA's fast-tracking of the meds for HIV and the pros and cons of that as it pertains to cancer treatments at that time).

So doesn't this make you want to hang out with us?

 Don't we sound super fun? 

Are we total freaks?

Biggest Nerds Ever?

Should we be watching TV, playing Scrabble, anything other than Fighting About Ronald Reagan?


We must FARR.

And I produced quite a Document, if I do say so myself (I do) and stomp downstairs to deliver it to Matt, hours after the fight began (and how it began I have no idea, it is not like we sit around talking about the FDA or 1980's political message-management all the time, but somehow a FARR materializes when it needs to materialize, like a Harry Potter thing, you know, like Accio Giant Reagan Fight!
Expelliarmus Your Wrong Notions!
Or if I am mad, Stupefy!!!!

Of course, this would be more helpful to me if Matt would read past the first Harry Potter book and have any idea what I was saying, but it may be to my benefit in that it is clear I may or may not be a ninja or a witch, and it is possible that I could summon up some trouble if need be.) and my Document is quite the Document, and of course Matt is totally not going to read it, and says something to the effect of "None of this has anything to do with the fastracking by the FDA" and I am all "Stupefy!!!!" (which did not work, drat, must practice more) and then it makes us laugh and all's well that ends well.

We even got into Fight About Ronald Reagan while watching The Avengers, in fact it was one of the reasons I was ejected from that movie (by Matt, so that others would not kill me later), because Captain America looked so true-blue and IN A COSTUME that I decided he was Reagan and was all, "Matt, I bet he talks about trickle down economics to kill the bad guy."

And Matt is all, "Really? It is time for a Fight About Ronald Reagan? Can you just shhhh?"  (Answer: No).

So there you have it. 

How to keep your relationship hot by Fighting About Ronald Reagan, by Allison.

I am not going to even proofread this thing because I know if I do, I will decide it is ridiculous and why on earth am I writing about this, although it is better than writing a flash mob song about Fighting About Ronald Reagan, which is totally something I would do, so I better stop.