Thursday, February 7, 2013

What Did I Do? Can I Say It Wasn't Lost If I Didn't Know I Lost It Yet? , by Allison

So I am not often without my crucial required possessions of phone, purse with wallet, lip balm, keys, Kindle as it is magic and books appear and I will forever be dazzled by that.

Usually the only time those things are not with me is because I have lost them temporarily, normally they appear in some weird place I thought I would remember because it was so weird that I did not remember because it was so weird.

But the other night, we went to see A Silent Film concert, which by the way, ruled. 
Concerts, requiring dancing, snaking way to front of crowd, nowhere for purse that is not squicky or yuk or "please steal me."
That is about the only time I go old-school, ID (For the bouncer persons who will humor me by carding me and thus establishing goodwill with suggestion that I may not be 21 yet. Well played, bouncer persons), credit card, lip balm.

I take more when hiking into the Grand Canyon or in boot camp class.
I tote numerous green teas everywhere, except shows where I cannot hold onto them and do not have time for that, am watching the awesome music.

I bring the fewest things possible, as I am aware I am likely to do something idiotic with whatever it is I have on me anyway.
But the thing about only bringing your driver's license proving you are you, and your credit card letting you have money for whatnot, is that if you lose those, that totally is no fun.

So of course I manage to do that last Friday. 

By getting into a car (I am blaming it on Matt's car was getting new tires and the dealership gave him a loaner and it was strange and I felt like it looked both like a frog and like a meteor had squished our regular car) I lose the things that were in my jeans pocket.

And guess how I found out I lost them?

The very nice man who found them in the parking lot, in a city in which I do not live but did visit the previous night for excellent show, called me to let me know he had them.

I was all, "Really? What? I lost them? I did not know that."
(Note: In my defense, I was getting ready for the gym, so I can get gold star for going to gym after concert in city two hours away, and had yet to need to prove my identity or buy stuff)

He was all, "Yes, I have been walking around this coffee event for an hour looking for you, but could not find you, are you here?"

And I was all "Noo, I am totally not there at all. I don't really know where there is, actually."

And after we figured out where he was and where I was were not the same place, he offered kindly, as he is Good Samaritan, to mail my things to me so I would not have to go through the horrors of replacing them.
This is so awesome, and he does not even know me or my Department of Motor Vehicles issues. (

Yay! I love awesome people.
And, he gets to join the (sadly) very large club of People Who Have Had To Help Allison Find Her Wallet Or Wallet Content Type Items. 
I did not tell him there was a club, because there really isn't I don't think, it is more like, a cluster of embarrassing memories.

I leave and lose lots of things all the time, you can ask my daughter E for the last 10 years refresher, she has savant-like memory for details on my nonsense.
But the worst is when I lose my wallet or its contents. 
I have done that a ludicrous number of times, not including when get this:
I had my wallet, with all my roommates' rent money IN CASH in it, and I go visit a friend who lives in a rowhouse in the city. I go in, put my keys and wallet in the kitchen, and within 10 minutes, someone walked into their house and stole it. That was so lame.
It was absurd, and my landlord would never believe "a mystery person stole my wallet with the rent money in it" because that is absurd. But true.

More often, I just put my wallet in stupid places.
I have just broken myself out of a habitual ridiculous habit of when purchasing gas for my car, I take out my wallet, get the credit card, leave my wallet on the roof of my car so I will remember to put the credit card back in it.

I NEVER remember to put my card back in my wallet.
I put it in my purse alone, and then drive off with the wallet on the roof of my car.

I have done this at least ten times.

But only once did I not get the wallet and contents back!
That was a dumb time I put my entire purse on the roof of our car, like the baby in Raising Arizona, at a rest stop during a trip.
 (Note: Before I had children.
Because I had this recurring nightmare where I leave the baby on the roof of the car like in Raising Arizona. Probably because
1. That movie is fantastic and I could watch it all day and
2. I leave other things of importance on my roof and drive off, who is to say I won't lose the baby? 
Subnote: In reality, I have never lost any of my children ever, nor have I put them on the roof of the car and driven away. And now, they are of an age where I cannot lift them onto the roof without them being a participant in this process, and also, they talk and say things and would object if I drove off, which I would NOT, except in old nightmares I had before I had kids and realized, children are very noisy and hard to forget.)

I remembered I'd left the purse on the roof when we had been back in the car for over an hour, I was probably looking for lip balm. Anyway, Matt made executive decision of "it's gone."
(Note: I was holding out hope somebody on the side of the road was holding it waiting for us to come back for it, but that was a faint hope.)

Normally when I leave my wallet on the roof of my car and drive off
(Note: I have broken this habit, am very excited about that) I am getting gas at this one place in our city that has nice people owning it and working there.
I am all about frequenting places where people are cool, it makes life so much nicer.

Also life is made nicer by the entire crew of mechanics roaming down the busy street I drove onto headed home, gathering up my important possessions I left on the roof of my car like idiot. 
They would then call and say, "Allison, we've got your wallet and credit cards, they were scattered all down Elm Street." And I would be all "Really? Oh, yep, you are right, they are not in my purse. I did that stupid thing again, didn't I?"

But these were cool friendly people, which is why I went there in the first place, so they do not throw things at me when I go retrieve the belongings I don't realize I've lost yet until they call and tell me.

However, after maybe the fifth time I stupidly did that, the gas station Friendly Cool People Who Were Sick And Tired Of This Nonsense were like "Look, just drive up to full service. We won't charge extra. Do not get out of your car, do not put your wallet anywhere."

I never do that, because I forget until I am already parked at the self-service and go get my wallet, and then I have enough brain cells to remember how embarrassing it is when I am an idiot, which reminds me to put my credit card in my wallet in my PURSE and not roof of car.

So, I have been cured of a ridiculous bad habit by being so embarrassed of the results of the habit. 
Also, I try to get gas when the kids are with me, and remind them not to let me put anything on the roof.

I am sure they will share that story when they sit around their freshman college dorm talking about who has the craziest mother.  I really have no defense on this particular issue, so be it.

And how is that for a meandering tale of me being mortified, repeatedly, by my own foolishness?

But get this!!! I got my ID and credit card in the mail today, along with a lovely note from Good Samaritan.

And it appears we are kindred spirits, because he had a story about the whole thing!
He wrote me a letter about walking around with my ID looking for anyone who looked like me, and making some guys mad when he'd go up to their girlfriends or wives asking "Are you Allison?"
(Note: As I write this, I cannot decide if I would like to be fly on wall or not during this quest. He wrote it in a way that sounded hilarious, but I am thinking if I were fly on wall I'd be grossed out by myself as flies are gross, and I would be upset that I was not a person who could go get her stuff back)

He then said that after initial boyfriend antagonizing, all the women in the area were helping him and telling him how nice he was to help me and what a great guy he was, which is true, it was and he is.

And then his friends wanted to take my ID around since the female part of the crowd thought it very charming and kind to help this pathetic girl get her stuff back.

My ID is like a baby or puppy at the park.

You know how guys walking around with a baby or puppy seem extra adorable and they garner way more attention and  goodwill then they would if they were without cute prop?

It seems Helping Strange Girl Who Loses Her Things is the new cute prop.

I am glad it turned out to be entertaining for my Good Samaritan and his friends, since he is awesome for getting me my stuff back.

But if Looking For Girl Who Lost Things becomes a thing, I totally want credit and am trademarking it.