Monday, November 26, 2012

So I Discovered An Accidental Time Capsule In My Attic? Or, Can My Day Be Any More Random, Perseveration by Allison

So this has been a weird day, if you can imagine a combination of:

Totally Unfun Dentist-type Stuff, Moths Got To My Favorite Sweater, Awesome Friends Being Fabulous, Randomly Finding Absurd Treasure Trove Of The Various Stages of Allison Past, including:

1. Duran Duran poster. I saved one??

 I had eight trillion. I can't figure out why this one was preserved, or what happened to the rest (Note: if someone who knew me back then has them, I want them back, I am totally making a new Wall of Awesome) but it is timely, in that I am reading one Mr. John Taylor's biography. Which is fab. So far. Because they aren't famous yet, and he does a good job with the leadup to World (or not entire world, maybe, but for sure Allison) Domination, and I haven't had to read any gross groupie stuff yet.

2. High School Diploma.

For real, that thing was in a dusty crate from a music store that does not exist anymore, just crammed in there, like, the Velveteen Rabbit? The Woody toy from Toy Story?
Except it was not beloved and cherished and loved, it was earned as necessary part of moving through life and shoved in a music store crate.
But otherwise, same.

3. Paper I wrote in college comparing Dante's The Inferno and T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland, focusing on self versus society, as that was the focus of the class.

I remember writing it, and remember being thrilled to get a good grade on it because
a) I am very much a seeker of proof I am not a total mess and

b) this professor vary rarely gave good grades, and in fact would throw the paper at you, and in German accent thunder "UN-acceptable!!" if he didn't like what you wrote.

But overall, I noticed this paper had a lack of FORMS or annotations such as:

Who is your pediatrician?

Please write down your medical insurance information one jillion times.

I realize that on any given day, if you asked me would I rather
(Note: OOH! I hate that game, Would You Rather, with Death Is Not An Option caveat. You do not want to play that game with me, because I make up my own thing, refuse to answer the two horrible options in front of me and create a whole different scenario. Because it is a stupid game, and I do not have any fun learning if my friends would rather eat eyeballs or take a bath in cat brains)

Anyway, would I rather fill out FORMS or write a paper on Dante's The Inferno for a very scary professor, I would opt for the FORMS. But here is why: I get double bonus points, because FORMS are one of the rings of Hell in The Inferno.
I am fairly sure of that.

4. Pictures of me from about ninth grade, when my friend C got her first good camera and needed to practice, and I had not learned yet that I should require formal editoral approval on all photos taken of me, ever, even on yet-to-be-invented phones that take pictures (Especially those. Man, I realize iPhones are miracles, but the camera is hit or miss, just saying)
or by doofus paid cheesy photographer roaming around college sorority or fraternity events and then luring drunken idiot formal attendees to sign over their life savings for pictures, always with faces mashed together and "WOOO HOOOO" vibe, that arrive six weeks later and helpfully give you the time and date of your stupid choice to buy this bad picture.

The pictures C took were good on her part, she is very talented artistically, and that used to annoy me because she was also very great at math, and I was idiot who thought you could be one or the other, and had not yet read eighty majillion parenting books and How To Raise Girls Who Are Not Nightmares books in which I learned you can do several things well, it does not break any laws, rules, or treaties.

The only issue I have with the pictures is that I want (again, I am always finding reasons to want this) to zap myself back in time
(Note: I am the worst, I cannot be satisfied with bossing around the current or future, I must boss around the past too?)
and tell Ninth Grade Allison:

a) Stop with the bangs.
I swear. I know everyone has them.
Trust me, let the bangs go. Also, when acid wash denim appears, run.
I promise you will thank me.

b) Save that bracelet you have on. It's pretty and I want it.
Current Allison has no clue where it is.
Although I did not know any of the aforementioned things existed until today, so maybe I will find the bracelet tomorrow.
That would be fab.

5. Certificate, with SEAL and golden font, so is valid, inducting me on the sixteenth day of April (year redacted due to author's vanity) into the Eta Rho Chapter of Pi Sigma Alpha, which is allegedly a national Political Science Honor Society.

I have never in my life seen this piece of paper.

It has my name on it, and various things in Greek or Latin to make it seem very Studious, and even signatures under the hysterical pledge "In Testimony Whereof We Have Hereunto Set Our Hands And The Official Seal of The Society."

Hereunto? Impressive use of completely underused because nobody is sure how to spell it weird smarty pants word.

Set Our Hands Onto It?
 I have never seen this thing or heard of the people who have signed it, all three of them, cleverly signing in scribble scrabble I can't read so I can't track them down and ask them when did they induct me into a cult I was not aware of, and also, is there a business of making up fake societies?
Because I totally want in.

That would be awesome.

And in conclusion to this weird day, in which I had planned to do a lot of things that did not involve Dredging Into Random Bits Of My Past Dusty From Non-Existent Music Store Crate, I shall share one of my favorite covers of a Ramones song, for no reason, remember, today is Random Day, and this song is awesome and Karen O. of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is badass and I am fan.
And I can't think of anything more random, so here you go, is awesome, you're welcome: