Sunday, June 14, 2015

No Rest For The Wicked, No Respite For The Weary. Please Send Intern And Sunblock, by Allison

So, Summer is upon us.
I know this,
for sure.

Even without the stupid sun and hot weather torturing me?
Melting my brain and lip balm?

I know it's Summer.


1. There are no more end of year recitals,
dance productions,
concerts, graduations,
and other things I may have totally missed?

Because that aforementioned list of things?
Signifies the end of the school year.

2. Also?
Before that aforementioned list of things,
signifying end of school year?

There were rehearsals.

Lots of rehearsals.
For all of the aforementioned list of things.
Some (most) involving costumes.

And now?
All of those things are done.
(Or are they???
I don't know.
My brain is melting from the heat, already.)

3. But the brief respite from these events?

There is no actual respite,
brief or not.

These things overlap,
 like Venn  Diagram Of There Is No Way I Can Do All Of This.
I make the executive decision -
Since I cannot clone myself?
Or alter the space/time continuum?

Though that could be helpful around this time of year?

There must be a respite.

Or there will be blood -
or other ominous movie title type thing,
indicating mayhem and madness.

Respite, please?

4. No such luck.


Or blink away tears of despair?
And you miss it.


Totally immediately interrupted.


Meet your mortal enemy:
Swim Team.

Which started practice two weeks ago,
back up there,
 in the blur of End of the Year stuff we were doing.



Ruined by the following delightful sisterly exchanges,
scented with chlorine and sunblock:

-"Where are my goggles?"

-"You stole my goggles"

-"Those are my goggles!"

-"Where is my bathing suit?
Not that one, the other one!"

-"You stole my bathing suit!"

-"Where are all the towels???"

-"MOOOOM, all the towels are dirty!"

5. And my responses:

-"You have got to be kidding me.
We own 100000 pairs of goggles.

You all have 3000 bathing suits.

And the towels are in the laundry pile,
because you all refuse to hang them up,
and they are now making all of your orchestra,
and dance costumes,
and end of year concert clothes all gross.

Because I haven't had time to wash the End Of School stuff.
Never mind the ten thousand dance things,
 stained with stage makeup.

And seriously?
Two zoo field trip bags, and field day?

Camp forms, already?

I have had NO RESPITE!

No respite at all.

And now I am thinking I am spelling respite incorrectly.
But I am too lazy
Worn out from the lack of any sort of respite)
to Google check myself.

And though I am having a No Respite Rant?

All of the above End of Year festivities were cool.

Not in any way possible to absorb, and flew past in a blur of Really?
Third thing today?????

But cool.

And swim team is great,
and fabulous team and cool sport.

So if I don't melt from the heat,
 or go deranged from Chronic Hunt For Goggles?

Yay, Go Blue Dolphins!

And if I do melt
/go deranged/

I can always divert myself by staging a flash mob at the swim banquet.


No telling what I will do,
when deprived of my well-earned respite.

For the sake of humanity,
or at least anyone having to deal with me?

If I can't get a respite?

I really, really could use an intern.