Friday, June 26, 2015

Pop Quiz, Hotshot! What Bizarre Thing Impaled My Shoe, And How Did I Not Notice It? , by Allison

So, as I was (reluctantly) tying my gym shoes on this morning,
I think I am hallucinating?

Or still asleep,
and somebody else got the kids to swim team and dance?

Or someone is trying to kill me,
in some sort of ironic noir scenario,
by skewering my gym shoes with an impaling instrument of some sort?

Note: That would be very clever strategy.
I hate wearing gym shoes,
and try to avoid looking at my feet when I am wearing them.

 So if someone is diabolical,
 and knows my weird thing about not liking gym shoes?

 That would be a good place to catch me off guard,
since I am not really looking at my stupid shoes,
 and cause a ridiculous injury or death,
via gym shoes.

Would never be investigated by the police,
because it is completely plausible,
to believe my gym shoes killed me.
I mean, it could happen.
I was almost done in by a fizzy vitamin at the airport once.


So I guess most pop quizzes don't have that much of a lead-up?
But how could you take the quiz if you didn't know the story, right?

For those of you still reading?

Pop Quiz, Hotshot!
What Bizarre Thing Impaled My Shoe,  And How Did I Not Notice It? , by Allison

So like I was saying way up there,
as I was tying my gym shoes this morning -

With my feet already in them.
I put them on without being skewered,
or even seeing there was a weapon stuck through my shoe.

Embarrassing, yes.
But weird enough that I am compelled to take photos,
and write a quiz-ish thing about it!

Because, honestly.

What is this????

It totally was not there yesterday, I swear.

I saw this sharp, pointy thing,
 when I was tying my shoe,
so I almost had an eyeball kabob situation going on as well.

Is it:

1. A splinter?
Can shoes get splinters?

2. Did my inherently evil gym shoes grow devil horns?

3. Maybe a humongous nail or whatever,
that was holding something important together,
and I don't know exactly what,
but am guessing I will find out,
when something falls apart,
 any minute?

4. Medieval torture device?
Possibly a souvenir,
from the Tower of London,
 that I forgot?
I am pretty sure we avoided those at the gift shop,
but I could be wrong.

5. Do I even want to know? 

6. None of the above?

If you chose answer 6, you get an A plus and a gold star!

I mean, I don't know if shoes can get splinters,
but it wasn't a splinter.

I would totally believe my gym shoes could grow devil horns,
but they didn't today. Yet.

It's not used to hold together anything currently in my house,
that thing got dropped off at dance,
30 minutes before impaling implement discovery.

But if you asked that thing,
which would be Thing Two,
my daughter, E?

She would probably pick medieval torture device.
Didn't come from Tower of London, though.

It came from the dance store.
It is one of those giant,
metal skull-scraping hairpins -
that she has to use to keep her bun in proper ballet bun order,
every day at dance.

So maybe partial credit if you guessed medieval torture device.

And, really, I didn't want to know what it was when I saw it looming at me,
so I guess if you chose answer 5 you are right, too.
Bronze medal, maybe?

Note: This is not for an actual grade.
Unless you want it to be!
I could totally give quizzes and essay tests,
I do that to my girls all the time!

And great grades would look fabulous on college or grad school applications!
almost as fabulous as internships!

I still don't know how the hairpin managed to impale my shoe.
I have mysteries to solve!
Which is Reason 1593428203292 Why I Really, Really Want An Intern.