Monday, April 27, 2015

Crimes Against Fashion, Violin Parking, And Impersonating A Police Officer: Citizens Arrests Gone Wrong! by Allison

So, the other day on the way to school?
No good songs on the radio.
Music always soothes the savage beasts -
at least the ones driving or riding in my car, anyway.

And to prevent boredom or squabbling,
I start up a conversation on something random.

As I read that sentence I just wrote up there?

I think that might sum up my entire existence.

But on that particular day,
the random conversation centered on citizen's arrests.
That is how much of a nerd I am.

Impromptu Civics Lessons!

I don't  totally remember how the conversation started.
And the ride to school isn't long enough for me to thoroughly impart my wisdom,
 or lack thereof.

V's history class had been learning about citizen's arrests,
and she and her sisters were delighted by the prospect of dispensing judgment on any crimes,
or annoying things,
within their jurisdiction of The Universe.

I had like thirty seconds to throw in that I was pretty sure citizens arrests worked better in the medieval ages,
and there are rules involved,
but I can't remember them right now.
I don't remember anything clearly before 8 am,
especially when I am under-caffeinated.

My basic summation of citizens arrests was:

 "It's like the Scooby Doo gang,
 solving mysteries and detaining the bad guy,
 who could have gotten away with it,
 if it hadn't been for those meddling kids."

And then I am like:

"Do not tell anyone I said that.
Go look it up in books and Write A Document on it.
It will be fun!"

Why do I come up with these things?
I am an idiot.

Named Pandora, and I have just opened a box.
What is in it . . .?
Why has everyone been so quiet?
That is always a bad sign.
What is all this yellow paper?

What havoc have I inadvertently wreaked,
because I didn't want to listen to Pitbull on the radio,
and decided to give half-baked Impromptu Civics Lesson instead?

Turns out?.

The girls are really prolific citizens,
with extremely ludicrous judgment in making arrests.

(Note: There may be a genetic predisposition towards prolific lunacy.

Crimes Against Fashion, Violin Parking, And Impersonating A Police Officer:
Citizens Arrests Gone Wrong, by Allison

The girls have been busy.
Being insane.
Tickets are handed out for crimes including:

1. Being Annoying
2. Illegal Violin Parking
3. Bad Singing
4. Shoes on Couch (That is a rule! Thank you, Citizen!!! )
5. Plaid Pants
6. Name Calling
7. Giraffe Socks
8. Illegal Computer Parking
9. Being Rude And Sassy To a Cop


10. Being A Fake Cop, Federal Arrest

Note: That makes no sense.
How embarrassing, I was a government major.

I need to teach them what citizen means,
and that they should say police officer,
not cop,
when they are referring to a police officer,
and again, none of them are police officers,
or cops,
that is the whole point of citizen's arrest.

I knew I needed more time for that Impromptu Civics Lesson!

We are also totally out of those sticky notes now, too.

I am thinking if I had one, I'd write a reminder to myself that I really, really, really could use an intern.