Monday, October 1, 2012

Oh, You've Heard of Them? Well, Then, I Don't Like Them Anymore, Otherwise Known As, Please, We Are Not In Third Grade, a Plea, by Allison

So today I am at the girls' school, having a healthy snack birthday fest for M the now seven year old stylist, and glory be, it is raining. Which is awesome because:
1. I love rain.  Is the best weather, forevermore.
2. I got to see the first graders in action inside instead of on playground, the playground otherwise known as I lose a kid or two if I am on lunch duty, which is why I no longer do lunch duty.

The inside play time is always fascinating to me, to see Who Does What When, as I am Sociologist and Anthropologist and other Ologists. And to my delight, the girls put on a show! Whee! A puppet show, no less.
And they furthered my longstanding belief that all puppet shows involve animals, dancing, and murder. This one was called "Oh My Goodness I Am Being Eaten Alive" starring M as a rabid rooster who dances and kills dolphins and tigers and goats (??).
It was fab.

Was fab.  So why I am I all worked up into such a state that I can't even peacefully read for a half hour before swimming/Junior Assembly/drum set arriving for M (gulp)/Birthday Dinner/more Junior Assembly?

Because I was listening to the radio, as I am wont to do, while hunting and gathering and driving to gym and school etc. And I had it on a cool satellite channel that plays a variety of alternative, indie, different, mixtape type stuff. And something I normally love, a segment called Blog Radio in which a blogger (Note: Sirius XM people, I do qualify, just saying.) is DJ and talks about music.
So like, my dream job.
But today, it got me so grumpy I had to vent in word form, as soon as I got home, leading the good dog to act like the bad dog, eating the salmon for M's special dinner.  Ug.
(Note: Am back from hunting and gathering more salmon. Did not see Angry Grocery Antagonist, whew)

Why am I still grumpy? Is rainy, fun party day.
But alas, the blogger on the radio was STUPID and IDIOT and I really, really wanted to throw something at him. The guy was playing a good song, I think from Wild Nothing? Can't remember, as my head caught on fire when dude was all, "Yeah, so, people ask me what I am listening to lately or if anything new is good, or to make them a playlist."
(Which, Note: That is my dream conversation. Nobody ever asks that, probably because I have already told them the answers to those questions and/or given them a playlist.)

But blogger Faux Hipster Music Genius and I apparently differ on sharing fab music with interested people, because he was all, "Yeah, but I'm not telling them what I like or what is good. They don't get music like I do. They don't feel it as much. I'm not telling them what is cool, they wouldn't get it."

So this is where my head explodes into flames.

This dude is almost a caricature of Deluded, I Am So Cool You Don't Even Get It, You Are All Plebeians Who Don't Know Anything, Look At My Faux Retro Angsty Hipster Chic Ensemble As I Laugh At You dude.  And I do not understand that mindset, as I am the opposite: one of my pretend jobs is publicity and PR person for all music I love. Anything I love, really.
You cannot shut me up, many have tried.
If something is awesome, I shout from mountaintops, because awesome is awesome!

But this dude, he operates with the mindset of, it's only cool if I know about it and no one else does. That is the lamest, stupidest mindset ever, but many people who fashion themselves expert in certain things,whether it be music, fashion, art, books, whatever (Note: I am actual expert in those things, just saying), they only like something if no one else has ever heard of it.

Is point of pride with Fauxs.
(Note: I just made that nickname up because I am too lazy to type out that long thing I wrote two paragraphs ago, and am also too lazy to google to see if you add an e after the x before the s when pluralizing faux, or even if you are allowed to pluralize it, but I am doing so regardless, and if it turns into a thing I want credit).

 Fauxs (I am liking this new word) will drop a random band name, or magic serum for skin found in the root sap of the deepest rain forest and retrieved by unicorns and flown to France, hidden secret vacation spot, restaurant in a tree, or whatever, and if you don't know what they are talking about, that makes them very, very happy.

Not happy that they are sharing a new cool thing with you, but happy that they own the "I knew about it first so I win, now I move on to next unknown thing" mentality.

That is very, very boring.
And also super annoying.
And it is very similar to toddler behavior.
Remember, I am Ologist. (Note: if that turns into a thing am taking credit for that too)
Toddlers find a toy, hold it away from everyone, and when others have similar, they are bored and don't want it anymore.
The Fauxs do that too. Love this new indie band that is great? Well, sure, they love it until maybe others have heard of them and it gets on radio and then they are all, "Yeah, I knew about them two years ago, when no one had heard of them, now they've gone mainstream and I am over it."

Bleh! Radio Blogger Total Faux today was all "Yes, no one gets it but me. I'm not telling ANYONE what I'm listening to, they don't feel it as deep."
He was actually unironically saying this drivel.
Ok, so your blog about music is a secret? You need a passcode? That you change every day because the existing one gets "overplayed"? Bogus!
1. He has blog about music, and is currently on the radio, discussing music, but yet,
2. At the same time, is insulting everyone but himself on being late to the party, not discovering the band soon enough so you are lame, go hang with Ryan Seacrest.

I ran into some Fauxs (really am loving that name, totally trademarking it, I hope it is not already a thing and was in the movie Heathers or something) when I was listening to, writing about, going to see The Neighbourhood.
Who are awesome. The band I mean, not the Fauxs.
And I am telling anyone who will listen about The Neighbourhood, because you know what? They ARE awesome, and also, I am not idiot. I can't lock them in my closet and get them to play music only for me (Note: I totally would if I could, but that is illegal, mean, and selfish, I am not toddler, is true, I know how to share), and the way bands get to keep being bands that play music that is awesome is by having people buy their stuff and listen to their music and come to their shows.

Otherwise, no more band, condemned to their parents' basement, all because the Fauxs want them all to themselves, until something new and shiny comes along.

The particular Fauxs I recently squabbled with were big fans of The Neighbourhood, as am I, because they are fab. But these Fauxs did not like that I was talking about and sharing their music, because "it will suck if other people get into them, it should remain our secret."


That is nonsense.

This is not a deep family secret like Suddenly Last Summer or anything.
It is a good band, that should be celebrated. Nurture the awesome.
But the Fauxs want to be the only ones, and they will drop anything like a hot potato once it is a known thing. Which is totally tedious, pretentious, and super lame.

I mean, I get that it is cool and fun to see smaller shows, (or in other cases, have access to whatever book or writer or artist or chef or restaurant or holiday destination, whatever thing you are hoarding from the rest of the world due to notions of vast superiority and elitism wrapped in hipster chic scruffed up to look like you weren't trying but you totally were. )
(Which, Note:  make sure you tell these guys when Doc Maartens start showing up on other people so they can throw theirs away and fine other niche footwear making comeback ).

And I love meeting bands and chatting at merch table or rambling on in their lead singer's ear about sad songs while Matt buys them a whiskey. Or finding great deserted island (Note: I have not found one, but that would be cool and extra cool if it is near Johnny Depp's) or restaurant in the basement of a former brothel, whatever, is fun to discover awesomeness. But I am cool if they are in a stadium (or more people find the island or eat at the former brothel), because that means they are doing well and will make more music (or not be sold to a dastardly villain or be crowded) and not go away, and that is a yay, not a boo.
Am not dropping them from my playlist because they are a known entity. Will drop if they start being un-good (Note: see Kings of Leon, et al.) but that is my only determining factor: Do I like it, yes, or no?

Is like a third grade love note. Do you like me, yes, no, maybe. (Which: Maybe? That is early social conditioning for commitment issues, FYI. I know this, am Ologist.)

So in the case of the blogger with a BLOG on music who is on the radio talking about music but will not tell anyone who asks him what he is listening to, I am checking the NO box on the third grade love note.
Do not like.
He was probably all, "Well, I was into fruit roll-ups, but now EVERYBODY is eating them, so I am over them, they are done" when in third grade.
All, "Yeah, Call of The Wild is very last year. Derivative. I was into it in first grade before anybody had read it."

So now I have not only expressed my thoughts on this guy but also given him a backstory as super obnoxious kid growing up.
He may be a totally fine guy, I have no idea, really, other than what I heard him say today which was STUPID so I still am checking the NO box.

Do not like. Too bad, because if I did check the Yes box, I would totally TELL PEOPLE. I guess I am telling people I check No, so that is not the most compelling argument, but still.


Lesson of Today: Nurture the Awesome.

Feel free to take with grain of salt, my bossy lecture prompted by a Person With Strong Opinions. I know I am glass house, should not throw stones, am pot, should not point out color of kettle. But, am breaking my rule on that because I am totally right. 

Not checking the Yes box.