Monday, January 6, 2014

I Study Your Face, And the Fear Goes Away. Both Nostalgic And Lovely "Sirens" by Pearl Jam, And Lullaby For Matt, by Allison

So maybe it's the cold weather meaning flannel is trotted out?

Maybe it's making mixtapes with "Black" by Pearl Jam woven in, because that song has always  smashed me, in the best way?

Maybe it's extreme relief that I like this song, "Sirens," by Pearl Jam,
because I didn't like the first single of their new stuff at all and was worried that it would be all bad and that would make me sad and old?

Maybe because we were listening to it the other day and trying to figure out what made it so cool and I decided that us loving it meant it was doing the thing it needed to do?

Maybe it's because there are gorgeous lyrics and Eddie Vedder is doing that thing he does with his voice, going low and stair stepping up?

Whatever the reason, it is in my mind and playing through my giant purple headphones.

And because tonight,
 Matt and I had the gruesome, lengthy, totally stressful and all around suck task of two hours of de-splintering E's foot - that was hell for all involved.

And we're negotiating who holds the mag light,
who is dealing with the surgical scissors (him, I am not trained for anything above cuticle scissors, and I suck at that),
how can we get her to stop screaming -

And I look up at him,
exhausted from a long day at the hospital,
so focused on our daughter,
so very Matt in his focus and compassion,
even when I was an inept mag light precision,
and I don't know,
it was just so kind.

And in my head, I'm hearing the lyrics to "Sirens," :

 "I study your face, and the fear goes away."

So at risk of being totally schmoopy, (I think the grisly splinter surgery task cuts the sweetness a bit? But the sentiment rang so true to me)

Tonight, a lullaby for Matt.

"Oh, it's a fragile thing
This life we lead
If I think too much
I can get overwhelmed by the grace"

I study your face, and the fear goes away.


PS: I am sure to be snarky again tomorrow, so it is good to have proof sometimes I am overwhelmed by the grace.

But still.

"Sirens," by Pearl Jam